I started this post hours and hours ago, and it was headed in a different direction. Hubby and I have been bickering all day, and when I began to wax philosophical about it, I was feeling very hurt, rejected, and lonely.
My waning Mojo is well documented on this blog, and because I’m not feeling my bestest, I got super insulted when I attempted to hug dear Hubster not once, but 3 times and he rejected me all 3. Well, he hugged me the 3rd time, but it wasn’t a real hug.
Feeling rejection as a single person is bad enough, but you always have that little window open, that window of the next true love. But as a married person, being spurned by the one you’ve pledged your troth is the pinnacle of loneliness. All I wanted was a hug, for crying out loud. Takes 2 or 3 seconds, feels nice, and we could’ve gone on with out day.
But my hurt feelings caused a domino effect.
Hubby doesn’t deal well with seeing me emotional. I don’t mean this in a knight-in-shining-armor way. I mean he has a real lack of empathy, and it irritates him to see reactions he can’t understand. So, after he snapped at me the 2nd time I went for a hug (he’d literally pushed me away the 1st time), I walked away, fighting tears, and cried once I was out of the room. He came in the room a few minutes later and saw I’d been crying and got all twitchy and pissy.
I tried to brush it off and feel more positive, so I went for a hug that final time, and this time, he did hug me, but it was stiff and condescending and really not worth the effort.
We tried to handle the rest of the way as normal as possible, even seemingly getting along from time to time. But then something simple, like me talking to him while he was running the faucet and couldn’t hear me, set him off and suddenly it was a fight.
I hate fighting with him. It really tears me up inside to be at odds with my Main Man. (the twins and I like to call him that).
I said my piece, he said his, we both huffed and sighed and then it was “go to your separate corners”.
Hours later, I went downstairs and just mentioned that it was his turn on Words with Friends (he likes to ghost play on my account). He said okay, normal voice, as if all is better.
Then he came up and asked me a question about Cheez-Its.
In the language of our marriage, this is making up. Seriously. There have been fights in which we have gone days without speaking. Good times.
So, here’s hoping…