Heavy Weight

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Right on, sister, right on…

Okay, I do feel, some days, that I am pretty fierce.  On those high-level Mojo days.  When my energy level is high, and nothing hurts, and I take the time to honor my body inside and out.

Regardless of the fact that I am currently a size 18/20 (but at my heaviest, I was a 24).  There.  I said it.  Whew.  My goal is to be a size 12/14 ish.

I have struggled with my weight all my life.  I say weight and not size, because I really have been focusing on being healthy, not slender.  Weight is more of a medical issue.  Size is something else.  That being said, the numbers on the scale AND on the tags of my clothes are important.  Here’s why…

The issue I’m MOST embarrassed and ashamed of is that I let food and sloth get the best of me.  My body parts are deteriorating.  I’m only 37.

The extra strain I’ve put on my joints have led to a thinning/weakening of my cartilage in my knee caps which now make pepper mill-like grinding sounds when I squat or climb steps.  Also, I’m showing signs of the early stages of plantar fasciitis.  This is an inflammation of the thick tissue on the bottom of the foot.  Usually occurs in extreme runners or old men.  *sigh*  I did this to myself, people.

These issues are only secondary to what I’ve probably done to my internal organs.  The extra work my heart has had to do all these year?  Ugh, if I think about it too much I become certain that a heart attack is right around the corner.

The scale, my weight, is only part of the picture.  Muscle weighs more than fat and takes up less space, so the healthier I get, my size gets smaller even faster than the number on the scale.  Am I making any sense?  I feel like I just ramble sometimes…  Anyway…

There’s been a lot brought to my attention about weight loss and health lately.  And about body image.  Countless pins on pinterest, FB posts from friends and family either celebrating their weight loss victories, lamenting their lack of willpower or self-worth, or debating the “right” way to approach weight loss, and then there’s last night’s finale of Biggest Loser.

Jeremy lost 199 lbs- over 51% of his body weight.  In seven months.  Wow.  People online are saying, yeah, but he’s still fat!  Ugh.  Maybe he is.  He looked great to me. But more importantly, his quality of life is improved a millionfold.  Now, he can focus on the other stuff, like treating his body lovingly, enjoying the movement and vitality he gets from exercise, feeling the surge of energy he gets from a nutritionally sound diet.

Like me, Jeremy didn’t just have a few or a few dozen “vanity” pounds to lose.  He couldn’t just do a juice fast to fit into a special occasion outfit.  He didn’t have the luxury of letting the pounds melt away naturally while he did intense re-training of his attitudes towards health and fitness.  Like me, his life, and the lives of all of those contestants, depended on extreme measures.

I would LOVE to go on The Biggest Loser.  I think I could win.  The Old Scroogy would poo-poo those kinds of efforts as too intense, not realistic, hard to replicate or keep up with in the real world.  But the New and ImprovING Scroogy sees that, no, I don’t have a trainer like Bob or Dolvett.  I don’t have a nutritionist on hand or anyone else doing my grocery shopping for me.  So, no, my results will not be as extreme, but I have all the tools I need to make the hard choices for my own life.

I am on a pretty restrictive diet that I, with the guidance of my doctor, adapted from the Medifast plan.  I eat 6 times a day- every 2 to 3 hours.  There are 5 snacks which are between 100 & 200 calories each and must contain at least 5g protein and the ratio of fiber to carbs must be at least 1:7.  My one meal is 5 to 8 oz of lean protein and 2 to 3 servings of low carb veggies.  I take a multi-vitamin, fish oil, D3, and a B vitamin.  I add Benefiber to anything I can to up my fiber intake.  I drink at least 100 oz of water a day. I also try, but really need to work on succeeding, to get 30 to 45 mins of light cardio each day and do calisthenic type exercises most days.

Now.  Wow, you say…  That’s strict.  That’s not realistic.  You’re right.  This isn’t something I’m going to do for the rest of my days on this Earth.  This is something I’m doing until I get to a healthy size, until I get to a place where my body feels better, the physical parts work better, and then I will be able to focus on my attitude towards food and movement and life.  Along the way, I’m learning about nutrition and fitness and what works for my body.

So, back to that lovely lady in the picture above.  A size 22 is friggin glorious if you feel glorious inside and out.  But for me?  I need my body to start feeling as good as my spirit and that probably means a size 12.

Make sense?  No?  Meh.  Fail.

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