My Mother’s Day plans went to poop

Quite literally.

I have made it a tradition to spend the actual day of Mother’s Day with my mom.  Just she and I.  Movies, lunch, etc…  It’s peaceful and lovely.  This year was no exception.  We saw Dark Shadows and had lunch at TGIFridays.  Easy breezy, Peeps!  The title poop hit the fan about 24 hours prior to this.

This year, I decided, “Hey, let’s make Mother’s Day Eve about me and my girls!!”

We woke up Saturday morning in the usual fashion with Lala and Loopsy crawling into bed between Hubby and me and launching into morning giggles and profound discussions about eye crusties.

“Girls!”  I exclaimed, “Let’s have a Mommy/Daughter day!”  We would get lunch, go shopping, go to the nail salon…

“Can we go to the dinosaur playground?”  Loopsy asked

“Sure thing, babycakes!”  It was going to be Epic. We’d laugh and talk and run and skip and shop and ooh and ahh and yeah!!!

A few short hours later, we were bathed and dressed.  The twins had their “fairy” braids done and I actually put on mascara and lip gloss.

As we were putting on shoes, I said to Lala, “Whew!  My belly’s starting to hurt.  I’m very very hungry!  Can’t wait to get to Chick Fil A!”

She replied that she’s hungry too and her belly hurts as well.

She continued to mention said belly ache to Hubby as he helped buckle her into her car seat.

“Scroogy,” He worried, “Lala says her belly hurts.”

“No worries, my sweet baboo, she’s just hungry.  Like I am.”  I started the car, the three of us blew Hubby a multitude of kisses, and we were off.

On the way to lunch, we passed a cemetary.  Loopsy asked me about the other “flower place” we’d visited.  The ones with the “stones in the dirt.”  I figured out she was talking about the cemetary where my Dad is buried. It was last summer.  I marvelled that she still remembered that.

“Do you miss your Daddy, Mommy?”  Loopsy pondered.  Lala was curiously quiet.

“I do miss him.  Everyday.”  I fought back the tears.  My girls are so sentimental.  They have great memories.  This day of mother/daughter bonding was starting off beautifully.

“I miss my Daddy right now,”  Loopsy continued, “But I can go home and see him soon.”  Aw…  How lucky they are!  I told her so.

“I need to eat right now, Mommy!”  Lala whined.

“Okay, baby, we’re almost there…  Hey, girls!”  I desperately changed the subject, “What should we get Gamma for Mother’s Day?”

Loopsy and I went back and forth about appropriate gifts for their grandmother.  For some reason, they almost always want to buy Gamma toys.  I suspect it’s because they know she’ll let them play with them.  Haha.

We were about to turn into the Chick Fil A parking lot when Lala blurted, “Oh no!  Ohnoohnoohno!”

“Lala?  What’s wrong?”

“I gotta pooooooooop!”

“Okay sweetie, we are almost there.  I’m waiting for the light to change.  Can you hold it?”

I check her in the rear view mirror and she is- no lie- doing lamaze breathing.

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry!  Hold on.  It’ll be okay!”

“I already pooped Mommy!”

“What?  Are you sure?”  I hoped that it was just a toot she’d let escape.

“Uh-huh…”

*sigh*

I find a parking spot, and get out.  I go over to her door and I’m still not convinced she’s actually pooped.  I don’t smell a thing.

She’s crying and still Oh no-ing.  Poor kid.

I take off her shoes and unbuckle her and pick her up, help her stand just outside the car.  Sure enough, IT starts to seep and drip down her little legs an onto the blacktop.

“Oh. Oh. Oh.  Mommy I gotta go more!!”

I grab the box of wipes I keep in the car.  Empty.  You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

I find a box of Kleenex and start wiping her legs, but the drips keep coming.  I’m gonna have to strip her right here outside of this fine fast food establishment.  In full view of other families.  Oy vey.

I pull off her cutie patootie leopard print skirt and her Dora the Explorer big girl panties.  Luckily there’s an old ziplock bag in the car- remnants of a car snack of the past.  I shove the soiled clothes inside, finish wiping her off and put the baggy along with all the dirty Kleenex into that damn empty wipes container.

I sit back on my heels and sigh.  How am I going to do this?  Clearly, she still has to go.  No way she can make it back home.  I’m going to have to take a half naked child into this place.  Holey moses.

I ask Lala to hang out one sec while I get Loopsy out of the car and she shouts/cries, “Mommy!  Everyone can see my tushy!!”  *sigh*  Poor kid.  I put her back in the car and instruct her not to touch the soiled car seat if she could help it.

I get Loopsy out, instruct her to hold onto my pants pocket, I hoist Lala onto my hip and pull her shirt down to cover her little butt cheeks and we make our way inside.  I am simultaneously soothing Lala and assuring her that no one can she her nakedness and explaining to Loopsy why she cannot go play in the playroom.  And no.  We are not getting ice cream.

Inside the ladies room, I am relieved to find the big handicapped/diaper changing stall empty.  After depositing Lala on the potty, I start getting wet paper towels to clean her up and shoving dry paper towels into my purse to use to cover the soiled car seat on the way home.

Loopsy, in the meantime, is singing and dancing and enjoying the sound of her voice echoing off the bathroom walls.  This pisses her sister off to no end.

“Mommy!!  Loopsy is dancing while I’m pooping!”

I wasn’t aware that was a problem, but still I said, “Loopsy.  Take it down a notch, please.  Your sister is having a bad day.”

Lala is still whimpering.  She’s embarrassed and really not a happy kid.

“It’s okay, Lala.  EVERYBODY poops!”

I hear a lady in the next stall giggle and I silently hope SHE gets explosive diarrhea.

“No laughing!”  Lala cries.

“It’s okay baby, I promise.  No big deal.  We’ll get you home and cleaned up and the car seat will get cleaned up and it will be A-OK.”

“Turn around Mommy, no looking at my poop!”  She demands that Loopsy and I stand facing the stall door so we don’t see her go.  I take the opportunity to call Hubby and ask him to get a bath ready.  We’re on our way home.  Plans have changed.

Soon she is done, she is wiped down as best as I can, and we head out of the stalls to wash hands.

An older lady comes in and takes one look at that tiny naked hiney and gives me a knowing smile.

“Accident.”  I confirm.

She smiles at Lala and says, “That happens to the best of us, Sweetie.”

Something about the lady’s demeanor gets through to my darling girl.  “Don’t look at my tushy, heehee”  she says, wiggling her hips.  She’s gone from mortified to adorable in 2.2 seconds.

The lady explains that she has two girls too, but now they are all grown up and she has grandsons now.

She smiles at me and says, “Happy Mother’s Day.”

I say it right back, with a truly grateful smile.

My little Lala smiles as she is carried out on my hip, her shirt pulled down to cover her up, and back to the car.  Motherhood challenge- accomplished!