Peeps, I’ve been struggling lately with staying on the path of health and wellness. I’ve just lost all motivation and been wondering how/when it will return. Well…
Last night, after the twins went to bed, I was catching up on my shows. Hubby and I watched Blue Bloods and then I watched Cougar Town. I really miss Penny Can. They need to bring back Penny Can. At this point, it was 10:30 or so, and I had to decide whether to go to bed, or to watch Once Upon A Time. I think I chose wisely. (Yes, this is boring. Recounting my TV viewing. Stay with me, Peeps. I have a point, I swear)
Once Upon A Time is just a brilliant show. Let’s discuss that another time though.
During a commercial break, I was feeling down. I was feeling lazy. I’d been watching TV for over 2 hours and had barely moved off the recliner. I looked at my body and was thinking that maybe I really am gaining back more of the weight than I’m admitting. I’m running out of time, I thought. I’m going to end up like Dad. Dead at 37. Ya know. Happy thoughts.
Just then I looked at the clock. It was 11:11.
If you don’t know about 11:11, check this out: http://youtube/Rvl3kcG_Qjg
(I hope I did that link thing right. I’m not very cool.)
Little side step here to give background about my 11:11 story… A little over a year ago, I started noticing that I’d always check the clock at 11:11. AM or PM. Once I realized that, I started seeing it everywhere. I was going on a road trip and wanted to top off my gas tank. The total came to $11.11. I was walking one morning and noticed a cute cottage style house a few blocks away had gone up for sale. I always wanted a house like that and I thought, “It’s a shame we aren’t looking to buy now.” The address was 4711. (4+7=11, so… 1111).
Around that time I see on FB one of those survey thingies, and one of the questions is “Do you believe in 11:11?” Hold up!!! That’s a thing? Really? WTF?!?! So I googled it. Ever since, whenever I notice 11:11 or 2:22 or similar numbers, I ask out loud, “What is it you’re trying to tell me?” I’ve never really gotten a strong answer.
So, back to last night… I am all doom and gloom and I see it’s 11:11…
I was about to ask my angels, “Okay, what do you need me to know?” when a commercial for that new Disney/Pixar film Brave came on. (I looked online to find the specific trailer I saw, but couldn’t find it. I was going to post the link here and everything. Like a good little Blogger. Meh.)
Anyway, the commercial opened with the line…
“If you had the chance to change your fate, would you?”
I don’t even remember the rest of the commercial. Wow. That was a rather bad ass intervention by my spirit guides/guardian angels/inner child. Well played up there, well played.
And my answer is, “YES!” I will change my fate.
So, this sounds weird, but I got a pen and wrote on the inside of my left wrist “Change Your Fate”. I seriously think I’m going to get it permanently inked.
I felt my resolve and motivation garnering strength like when Mario gets one of those red and white polka dotted mushrooms. Bloomp bloomp bloomp.
After finishing Once Upon A Time, I went to bed, finally. But I was feeling tons more positive.
Here’s what I dreamt:
“Ugh, I can’t get this camera to work right…” I really want to get a picture of the spires of an old gothic church that is part of our tour.
“I can take one for you, sweetheart.” It’s my Aunt Mary. She and I have been travelling.
“Thanks, but I really want one of my own.” Just then the camera makes that whirly sound as the lens opens and the flasher dealie pops up. “There. Perfect.”
I snap a few pictures of the spires. I check them on the little screen. They are lovely, but not the shots I really want. I decide I want a self-portrait of me, holding my lucky penny, with the church in the background.
Somehow I wrestle and wrangle the camera and the penny and I’m able to set up the pose. I check the screen again.
My heartbeat quickens. I can feel it pounding in my ears. I’m momentarily dizzy, I blink to clear my vision. I CANNOT be seeing what I’m seeing.
Beyond my face, behind the penny, flying around that lovely gothic spiral is a winged creature. An angel. Its wings look almost greenish and silver in the light.
I check the sky, and see nothing. Not even a bird.
“Aunt Mary, do you see this?” I run over to her and trip on a cobble stone, dropping my camera. Shit.
The camera makes a clunkier whirlier sound and shuts off. Fuck.
The rest of the dream was basically me trying to see that picture again, to show anyone else the angel.
I hear Loopsy crying in her bedroom. Hubby gets up and brings her into our bed. She’s had a nightmare about a million spiders. She cuddles in so close to me, it’s like she wants to crawl inside my skin. I kiss the top of her head and try to fall back to sleep, to get back to the dream, to figure it all out.
Even in the middle of the night, still partially asleep, I am stunned at the amount of personal symbols in that dream. I’ll list here, as much for myself as for explanation to you Peeps:
1. Traveling with my Aunt Mary. Aunt Mary is 20 years older than me. I used to tease her about that a lot growing up. I was a little shit. Truth is, I’ve always felt that she and I have a lot in common. We read the same books, like the same shows and movies, we love cats. We both were the only women in our family to live alone as a single, child free person. We both got married and had kids a bit later than we’d expected to. We have similar anxiety and heart palpitation issues. But besides all that she used to travel with me and Mom and Brother back in the day. Recently we spoke about doing some sort of epic trip for my 40th and her 60th. The sort of epic trip I dreamt about last night. The sort of trip that is on my New Scroogy List of things to do when I get healthy. A reminder of my motivation to reinforce the 11:11 message.
2. Visiting a new church. My Grandma Sylvia used to tell me that every time you visit a new church, you can make a wish. I always thought that was a little too magic and almost, dare I say, sacrilege for true Catholics like my Grandma, but I did it anyway. So, was the fact that we were at a church a message from Grandma? Could be…
3. My lucky penny. I don’t actually have ONE lucky penny. But it makes sense that I would’ve found one in the dream that I considered lucky. Bestie tells me that her dad used to always pick up pennies. That after he’d passed away, she and her mom and brothers would continue to pick up pennies and consider it a sign from him. Once she told me that, I started finding pennies at special moments. I am convinced it’s Ed, a man I’d never met, giving me a sign. Or maybe he met my Dad up there in the ether and they shared the penny story and it’s my Dad showing me he’s still there. Either way, it’s something. Another affirmation that I need to heed this 11:11 message.
4. The mysterious picture. Okay. I’m a huge ghost dork. I look at pretty much every picture for signs of a presence. I have a ton of orb pictures, but only recently saw pictures that may really contain ghosts. Mom and Jim went to Savannah (another destination on my New Scroogy List, btw). They took a lot of pictures of supposed haunted houses. One house in particular, there really are several spectral faces in the windows. I shit you not. Stop laughing. I’m serious. Damn. Anyway, seeing the angel in the picture only proves to me that someone out there wants me to see, to hear, to believe.
5. The Angel itself (himself? herself? whatever). As referenced several times in my blog, my family and I have always believed in the existence of angels in our lives. So this one is really pretty cut and dry, as far as symbols go, right? I can still see that angel flying around that spire. The wings were enormous, lush, but luminescent. Like feathery fairy wings. It was breath taking.
And then after the dream, the biggest and most amazing motivation of all:
6. My daughters need me. Strikes me as hella coincidental that Loopsy woke up with a bad dream just as my dream was ending. Like my spirit guide knocking me on the forehead, “Hello, McScroogy!” Yeah. Oh, just now as I’m writing this blog, Loopsy asked me if I could put on her favorite movie. Guess what time it is? 10:10. Weird.
So, whaddayathink, Peeps? Do you think I’ve truly lost that last swirly pink and black marble or am I onto something here? Not that it matters, no offense, because I believe. I’m just curious.