Calm down, Peeps, calm down. I am not a polygamist. Nor will I ever be. Probably.
Ever since HBO’s Big Love and the TLC series Sister Wives, I have been fascinated with the idea of having a wife. Have you guys seen those shows? They are amazing. Haha. Bestie and I have vastly differing opinions on the concept, so we watch it in vastly different ways. She’s all, “Hells to the no!” and I’m all, “Wouldn’t it be nice to have a sister wife? Just for x y z?”
To elaborate, I imagine a sister wife would be…
Built in release valves. Seriously, for many different pressures.
Kids making you nutballs? Call over SW for a bit so you can let Calgon (or Dreaming Tree Wine) take you away. Your kids are her kids too. Her kids are the siblings of your kids. You know they’d be safe and loved and their needs would be met and it would be wonderful. On Big Love, Margene was often in charge of Nikki’s kids and vice versa. How convenient! Bestie, imagine for a minute that someone could trade off driving the kids to soccer and dance and scouts… And you could get done what you need to get done. See? Bonus.
Hubby being a prick? Call up your SW and vent away. She could offer advice, commiserate, hold your hand, or slap your face and tell you to snap out of it. This Sunday’s episode of Sister Wives showed just that. Meri (Wife #1) had a come to Jesus moment with Christine (Wife #3). Christine hasn’t been able to get over her jealousy of Kody and Robyn (Wife #4). See, Christine was the New Wife for a zillion years and never had to see their hubby with a shiny new lady. Okay, okay, I can hear you all grumbling over the internet. I get that jealousy is natural, normal, & expected. I get that for most people, seeing their spouse with another person is a deal breaker. But, these ladies signed up for this. Christine in particular was raising in a polygamist family. So, like Meri told her- Get over it already (not in those exact words). That scene struck me as amazingly helpful for all 4 wives. To have partners in your marriage other than your husband. To have someone who is as emotionally invested in making your family work. We all have girlfriends or actual sisters to vent to, but our loved ones are always going to be on our sides. Imagine having someone who wants whats best for both of you. Because she’s in the marriage too. Maybe I’m silly, but that just seems comforting.
And the ultimate release valve (pun totally intended) is that it’s not just on you to “get the poison out.” Okay, that’s from another reality show (RHONJ’s Joe Gorga referred to sex with his wife as essential to release the poison. Joe, Joe, Joe…tsk tsk tsk). Maybe it’s just me and my Mojo issues, but my libido and Hubby’s aren’t exactly on par. And I feel guilty about that. I wish I could always meet his needs in that arena. If I knew that tomorrow night is SW’s night with dear Hubs, I’d feel less guilty about putting him off tonight. I know you all will say I’m crazy for that. Whatevs. This is all theoretical, Peeps. And, in the interest of fairness, if SW was feeling less than frisky, I’d totally reciprocate on my night. Honest. Imagine if Hubby had more than one wife with no Mojo. Poor Hubby.
Also, Sister Wives are handy. Here, I reference Nikki in Big Love. That chick could install a washing machine, sew her own clothes, and successfully infiltrate the offices of a lawyer hell bent on bringing her family down. Homegirl’s got mad skills. Sure, she was a total sociopath, but oh yeah, she was fictional too. Still, I’m horrible at home repairs. It would be nice to have someone around who can fix the toilet paper holder thingie that keeps falling down. On Sister Wives, Meri is the crafty and organizational one. Christine is the baker, cook, homemaker one. Janelle is the career gal. And Robyn? I dunno. I guess she’s the sweet and soft one. She’s always crying and worrying about something. Maybe that’s something that is essential for their marriage. So, if I had a SW, I wouldn’t HAVE to be everything to everyone. Good deal.
Imagine having someone else to help plan birthday parties and holiday celebrations or to pick out home decor with? I’m sure a lot of you have spouses who help. Mine isn’t exactly into those things, so all of it falls on me. It would be nice to have someone who’d help me decide between hunter green or olive green for the throw pillows. Sigh.
I realize that I’ve been spouting off at the mouth about all the wonderful things a SW could do for me. I know that’s really self-centered and myopic. That it would be hard work. There would be quid pro quo on the household/familial duties. That I’d have to endure the knowledge that my husband is in love with another woman or women. That I’d bear witness to at least some PDA, and definitely to the offspring as evidence of their physical relationship. Still, there is part of me that thinks it would be worthwhile.
What’s a monogamist to do? Haha.