Validate Me!

I lay in bed last night, drifting off to sleep, and thinking about the late night online chat I’d just had with my cousin.  It left me feeling better, lighter, and, yes, validated.

Acknowledging that gave me pause.  Why is it so important, to me in particular, to have another person affirm what I already know to be true?  Why isn’t my own surety enough? And did I seek out a confidant that I knew would agree with my points of view?

So, as the Sandman carried me off to Dreamy Town, I vowed to blog on the topic in the morning.

I know that I’m not alone in this need.  That’s why Zuckerberg and Co added a “Like” button to Facebook.  That’s why there is a Comment section on our blogs.  Hell, the need for validation is why Facebook or blogging even exist.  We all need someone to hear us, and hopefully someone will say, “Hey!  Me too!”  or “Wow, good point!”  And then we’ll feel all warm and fuzzy and sane.

What struck me is that I sort of went out of my normal support circle to seek this particular validation.  Why?  Well…

Hubby isn’t much help in the validation department.  He has trouble empathizing and if it’s a situation he can’t relate to, then he’s pretty much just dismissive.  So, maybe his dismissal made me crave that thumbs up from someone even more.

Bestie is kind of close to this situation and has to be sort of Switzerland.  It is what it is, so I couldn’t turn to her for my venting session.  Same goes for Mom.  She has a vested interest in not taking sides.

So, I was on Facebook, saw my cousin was still online and opened up a chat.

My cuz, let’s call her KD (wow, my creativity in nicknames is just awe-inspiring), is not a person in my family that I’ve been particularly close to.  Not because of any ill will, but due to circumstance.  She’s quite a bit younger, grew up far away, and if one were to draw venn diagrams of our nation’s populace denoting political or social views, I don’t think she and I would end up in too many interlocking circles.  However, if we’d make similar venn diagrams and just include our family and the particular political and social views therein, I’m convinced KD and I might find ourselves the only two little Peeps in some interlocking spheres.  Yowza, that is a really verbose way of saying that.  Anyway… 

I respect KD’s intelligence and her centeredness.  That’s obviously not a word.  What I mean is KD isn’t one to go bananas.  So, laying it all out to her, and seeing her type “Good decision.”, meant a lot to me.

This gets me thinking though, did I choose to confide in her because I knew she’d give me validation?  Because I knew she’s be of a like mind.  Because when she was little, our grandparents used to comment on how much like me she was.

Why didn’t I contact Murs?  Why not D to the Ale?  Or our other crazy ridiculous pal?  These ladies have been around in my life for eons and would know enough of the background to provide good advice.  Well…  Murs has always been more “balls to the wall” and “oh hell, no, sistah!” than I’d ever be.  I knew she’d advise me to take action that I’m not ready or willing to take.  The other two?  I don’t know.  Maybe if they’d have been online, I would have bent their ears all night.  Or eyes.  We really need to come up with a 21st century techie equivalent for that idiom.

Why does it matter who gave me the affirmation I’d been craving?  Ya know, after sorting it all out in this here post, I don’t know if it really does. 

The bottom line is my tree fell in the forest and there was someone to hear, so it DID make a sound.

Who needs therapy when they can just sort it all out on Word Press?

I feel better.

 

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2 thoughts on “Validate Me!

  1. Ahh! Now there’s the Woman I have grown to know and love. So good to see you back. As for validation dear…it never ends and I don’t care what anyone says…it doesn’t matter how old or young you are. We weren’t meant to take this path alone and those that do usually lose their way. We are created social and for good reason. We are all meant to give of ourselves…to create…to give comfort to.. and you just never know How in our need for validation we give THEM the opportunity to help us out. The important and hardest part is in just being honest with yourself and others you trust to allow it all to work. It does!

  2. Validation is where it’s at, it’s all anyone needs. The best advice for you comes from your own mouth. I also love empathy; yes if that happened to me I might feel the same way. Loving Your honesty and humour too….
    Many thanks
    Klara

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