A Fire in My Belly

Hubby likes to say this when he’s attempting to push my buttons (ew, not like THAT, Peeps, geesh!).  I mean when he’s trying to get me riled up.  We’ll be watching TV and he’ll call one of my favorite characters or contestants a terrible name and I’ll get my panties in a wad and he’ll say, “Just tryin to put a fire in your belly!”  And he’ll laugh at me and pretend to smack me and tickle me and it’s kind of adorable, believe it or not.  (You have to know Hubby to understand.)

This post, however, is not about hubby or his antics.  It is about a real (okay, figurative) Fire in my (figurative) Belly.

When I began my Mojo journey, I started at the brain.  I read some self help books, tried to turn to my faith, researched a connection between the brain and obesity or other illnesses.  I started taking supplements like fish oil and B complex and Gingko (still take the fish oil and the B vitamins, dropped the gingko).  I started deep breathing exercises and prayer/meditation.  I started using certain essential oils to inspire clarity or calm.  Some of these techniques worked, but most didn’t.  

Finally, I don’t recall what the spark was, but a fire was lit.  Actually, perhaps it was when I saw something in the mail from a local hospital about Bariatric Surgery.  I started thinking, this is it.  My only hope.

So, I started researching surgical options, bariatric centers, success stories.  I resolved that this was what I wanted to do.  To save my life.

I went to an information center at Johns Hopkins.  I met with a surgeon.  I decided that a gastric sleeve was probably the best option for me.  (Google it, Peeps.  I’m really no good at putting links in my blog.  It never works.)

One of the first steps in the process of bariatric surgery is to be on a 6 month physician supervised nutrition plan.  This is to show the surgeons and your physician that you are willing to make a permanent change and that you will be compliant with medical advice, post-surgery.  I was nervous about meeting with my doc, because he is famously “no bull shit” about weight loss and he is also a Medifast coach.  I KNEW he was going to tell me to iksnay on the urgerysay and just do Medifast.  I was willing to go over his head and see a Hopkins physician who would green light the operation.

But, to my surprise, my doc was cool with the idea.  He nodded and agreed and added his own knowledge when I babbled on about my research into gastric sleeve surgery and ghrelin and protein and blahblahblah.  He peered at me over his spectacles, one hand on my shoulder, the other on my knee, like a wise old father figure and he said, “I see that you really want this Scroogy.  I know you can do this.  Here’s what we’re going to do…”

Long story short, he and I worked together over a few weeks to create a nutrition plan that was, yes, based on Medifast, but with real food.  He commended my research and my commitment.  I felt empowered.

And powerful I was…  I had that fight.  The Fire in My Belly.  I lost 45 lbs from Sept 29 to Feb 2.  In 18 weeks, even through the holidays.  But then…  Ugh.  I dunno.  My fire went out.  I’ve discussed this on this blog before, and I still am not sure why it happened.  And I’ve been struggling to get it back ever since.  

I’ve even posted many, “I got this, Peeps!”  posts in the meantime, but honestly, I was doing the whole “fake it til you make it” approach.  I just didn’t have that fight back.  Not really.

But, this week, I feel it.  I really do.  No lie.  I swear.  😉

I’m going to Change My Fate.

I’m going to save my life.

I’m going to really live and enjoy myself and my body and what it can do, what I can accomplish.

I’m going to be an author.

I’m going to see the world.

I’m going to see my kids grow up and get married. 

I’m going to dance the Roger Rabbit at my grandkid’s wedding and amaze all the youngsters.

Sunday night’s show, the one I blogged about so extensively on Monday, really did give me inspiration.  Jacqui’s story could’ve been my own.  Her struggles and emotional barriers are so so similar.  Watching her, I was reminded of that fight I had inside me back in the fall and early winter.  It was like looking into a mirror and saying, “Oh, THERE you are….Where have you been?” 

I am capable.  I have the tools, I always have.  I deserve the chance to do and to be all those things I dream of. 

See, my fire is back.

(PS…  Since Monday, I’ve lost 3.2 lbs and counting)

 

 

 

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