Kids TV is rotting MY brain

I limit my kids’ TV viewing to movies or shows either on Netflix, on PBS, or on Disney Jr or Nick Jr (no commercials).  But still, these shows are driving me bonkers.

Here are some less than appropriate thoughts I’ve had or statements I’ve made or songs I’ve sung about kids programs:

1.  “Handy Manny IS a tool…”  sung to the Handy Manny School for Tools theme song.  To which Loopsy replied “No him not, Mama.  He’s a people.”

2.  Along the same vein, “Mickey is a Mouseketool, am I right?”  (Said to my “nephew” Matty Moo moo when he was about 5 and we were on the way to OBX for our first combined family trip.  He didn’t get it.  Not sure he even heard me.)  Happy 9th birthday Matthew!!

3.  Ruby from Max & Ruby gets on my last damn nerve.  I mean, where are her parents?  They probably left because she’s such a bitch.  (Going to Hell for that one, Peeps.)  Why does she have such control issues?  Max is USUALLY right…  You’d think by now she’d give the poor kid more credit.  Poor Max.

4.  Caillou.  I mean, need I say more?  I’ve made up lyrics to his theme song too.  “I’m just a whiny-butt, I never have some fun, I keep on whining I’m Caaaaiiillloou…”  I’ve asked my kids again and again why he has no hair, but his baby sister Rosie does.  They say it’s because he’s a boy.  Whatever.  His parents are clearly on some good pharmaceuticals.  They are way too relaxed and easy-going and patient with his antics and whining.  He’s a big whiner, in case my song wasn’t clear.  Stupid Caillou.

5.  Some theme songs just get stuck in my head.  On endless loops of animated insanity.  Special Agent Oso (he’s a unique stuffed bear, btw).  Gaspard & Lisa (“Hello, Bonjour!).  My Big Big Friend (OMG…  we get it.  He’s your friend and he’s big. Carry on.).  Sid the Science Kid (Hey, Sid, whattaya say?  Shut it, Sid!!!)  At this very moment, the twins are watching Toy Story 3, and I guaran-damn-tee I’ll be singing or humming “You’ve got a friend in me…”  all the live long day.

ALL the LIVE LONG DAY.

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