If Scroogy wrote for Soaps

This month marks the epic 50th anniversary of General Hospital, a show near and dear to my heart.  As I watch the events of the 2013 Nurse’s Ball unfold, I can’t help but want to write my own versions of these story arcs.  (Note: I have not watched today’s episode yet, so…)

Ahem:

  1. After Duke’s and Anna’s sexually charged tango performance, we find that someone has again been impersonating one half of one of GH’s legendary supercouples.  Except this time?  It’s Filomena impersonating Anna!  She’s been alive and obsessed with Duke all these years and has come back to PC to claim him.
  2. Richard Simmons reveals the reason for his angry outburst…  He is Sam Morgan’s father!  He blames Lucy and her vampire delusions for the danger Sam & Danny had been in at the hands of Stephen Clay and vows his revenge on everyone who has hurt his daughter and grandson!  It is Richard Simmons who will finally take out Heather Webber after he is taken to the same psychiatric facility for the criminally insane.
  3. Frisco, heartbroken over Felicia’s rejection, turns to his old pal Rick Springfield for solace…  and finds true love!  He serenades him with a rewritten version of Lady of my Heart entitled Laddy of my Heart.  Springfield follows up with a new version of Jessie’s Girl called Maxie’s Dad.
  4. Shawn Butler, jealous that he was left out of the Magic Milo number, storms the stage and goes Full Monty.  The entire place buys a round of congratulatory drinks for Alexis.  She is named the new Mayor of Port Charles and her first order of business is to declare that Shawn must be shirtless 80% of the day.
  5. Sabrina and Patrick, having finally professed their love, are shocked when Britt reveals that her parents, Faison and Evil Dr Obrecht secretly created both Sabrina and Patrick in a genetic superlab, and their offspring will be born with the blood that is the only cure for HIV/AIDS.  They will then reveal that Robin is alive, but she is succumbing to the virus and the only way to save her is for Patrick and Sabrina to procreate.

I’ll be waiting for ABC’s call…

Haha.

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