Last Saturday morning, the hubs and I were relaxing in bed, putting off actually getting up to make breakfast for the twins, and chatting. As marrieds do…
I rolled towards him and started rubbing his shoulder.
Hubs: Why are your hands so hot?
Me: (pulling my hand away) I don’t know.
Hubs: I didn’t say you have to stop!
Me: (resuming running my hand on his shoulder)
Hubs: I got something a little lower you can rub!
Me: (rolling back towards the wall with a sigh)
Hubs: What? (farts loudly)
Me: Nice… that sounded like the last of the mustard bottle. Did you get any on ya?
Hubs: (laughing) That was my dick!
Me: (laughing) What????
Hubs: Why can vaginas fart, but not dicks?
Me: I’m glad they don’t because men would be farting out their dicks ALL the time on purpose. It would be chaos.
Hubs: I wish I could make mine whistle.
Me: (laughing harder) Whistle? Oh. My. God.
Hubs: (whistles tune of “If I Only Had a Brain” from The Wizard of Oz)
This is true love, Peeps. All you singles out there with all your romantic ideas of what marriage is like, You’re Welcome.